Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I read books and work on my own novel when I can. I try to help other people with their work. I try to have a social life (and I fail miserably at it). And then I get online and the words are just gone. I'm not afraid to say them. I'm not worried that I might not be the best person to talk about a certain subject (though I do wonder sometimes). Mostly, I just don't have any words left at all.
I write reviews over books I read, and sometimes I even question that. It's so hard to rate a book, but at the same time I feel like I have to when every book site out there seems to have a star rating out beside the title. So I try to focus on the things I liked or didn't like, and then I wonder what the author will think when they see my 3 star review. Will they hate me because I didn't think their book was right for me? Because I didn't care for the way they wrote it or their characters? I certainly hope not, because I hope to be among them one day. Still, I wonder.
I think about the people who have been blogging for years and are just now running out of topics. How do they do it? I have nothing to say. And maybe it's because I don't have anyone here to talk to about books and writing most days. But you would think that would leave me with an abundance of things to say instead. I don't know.
And I think about all of you reading this. Why are you here? Why do read my blog when I ramble about stupid things and don't say anything worth hearing? I'm not teaching you how to be a better writer or imparting any great wisdom on you, and yet here you are. And I feel compelled to post things, to keep you entertained, to keep you around. But I don't have anything else.
I have a book that I'm working on. I'm trying to move across the country to get a job in publishing, and I'm trying to do it with very little money. I'm trying to find a way to get paid for doing what I love. And I may crash and burn, at which point I don't know what I'll do, much less how I'll do it.
So here I am, typing up a post that says absolutely nothing and says everything at exactly the same time. I am here. And you are here. And I guess that's all that really matters.