Thursday, May 16, 2013

She lives!

Last Friday I graduated with my MA in English. It took me a year and a half and nearly killed me, but I did it. I've spent the last week trying to finish moving in to my new apartment (I still have boxes to unpack) and getting settled, but I'm almost done. I've read two books the last couple of days while at work, and intend to keep it up the rest of the summer, because frankly I have a lot of catching up to do. Next fall I start as adjunct faculty at the same school I've been at for the last six years, and I'm pretty excited to have time to get back to the books, both the writing and reading of them. Things have been crazy for me the last couple of years, but I think it's time to get back to me, which means I'll be back soon, lovelies, stalking your blogs and reading your books. Might even get back to Twitter again! but in the mean time, take care, and good luck with your endeavors!
Posted by Amanda J.
1 thoughtful musings

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Making a Comeback

I've finally hit my limit. After graduation I'm done with school. At least for now. I haven't written anything or edited any of my stuff since before I started my Master's program and I can't handle it any more. I wanted to get my PhD because I wanted to teach classes that I'm interested in, to have a day job I enjoyed that would give me time to work on my writing. But when I'm in school, I can't write. I don't have the time, the energy, or the creativity. And I refuse to let my writing take a back seat and wait for me to have a job I like that pays well and gives me plenty of writing time; if I did, I may never write another word of fiction in my life. I enjoy teaching composition, and I don't need a PhD for that.

So this is me stepping away from another 3-6 years of school, not because I'm afraid of the challenge or because I don't think I can handle it, but because I no longer have a good enough reason to go. Why put off what makes me happy for the possibility of future happiness when I can do what I love and be happy now? Why did I have to make this so complicated to begin with? I've said I was going to be back on more (and I have), but I really think after I get this thesis done and I graduate (again) that my writing life will make a major comeback, and posting here and reading what you guys have to say is a big part of that. I've let my writing, and myself, sit for far too long. And I'm happier just thinking about what graduation holds for me now. Here's to being true to yourself and doing what you love.
Posted by Amanda J.
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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Academic VS Creative

Academic writing is incredibly different from creative writing. My thesis is currently 14 pages and utilizes a good dozen sources, and I've been working on it for months. Months of creative writing gives me five times as many pages. At least. And yet they really aren't all that different. All of it is personal and all of it requires individual thought. But academic writing, at least research based academic writing, requires you to build on what others have said and to incorporate their thoughts into your own writing. Fiction writing )and poetry for that matter) is all you. Maybe that's why it comes more naturally to so many of us. Yes, it requires research, but the writing, the story itself comes from us. Everything we need, we already have. Writing a thesis on the other hand, well, I need a lot for that, haha.
Posted by Amanda J.
Labels: , 1 thoughtful musings

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Hey there, good lookin'. Again.

I am almost finished with my MA, you guys. I have an independent study class, a comprehensive exam, and a thesis/thesis presentation next semester and then I'm done. I've gotten the first chunk of my thesis done, so I'm super excited. And, for the record, it's on YA dystopias. :) Keeping it nerdy for you guys. I'm on break now, which means it's time to bust out the MS that's covered in dust and catch up on some reading.

I've missed you guys. Sorry I've been MIA, but I'll do my best to catch up on all your lives soon. :) But tell me, how are all of you?
Posted by Amanda J.
Labels: , 2 thoughtful musings

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Time, Excuses, and Writing

I don't know where all my time goes. It's kind of ridiculous. I mean, I get that I'm not the most time efficient person in the world, and I have a tendency to opt for having what I can of a social life or down time when I find a spare few moments, but seriously. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I have so many things to do, and that doesn't even include the things I love doing but that I have to put on a back burner simply because they don't pay the bills or contribute to my classes (I'm looking at you, horn, cello, book ideas, and half finished MSs).

Right now, it's the summer. I can't tell. I'm still taking a class each term, working ~34 hours/week, and trying to do things for my fraternity office, find a PhD program I like (I've figured out exactly what I want to study/teach, so that's a bonus), study for my MA comprehensive exam as well as the GRE English subject test, and research/plan my thesis. In the fall, things are really going to get interesting...

My problem is that I keep thinking about my characters and my stories. I want to work on them. I want to get them finished and sent off to publishers. I want to see them in stores. But at this point all I have is self-doubt. I could carve out time for it; I'm sure I could. Only every time I start going down that train of thoughts I hit this wall that tells me I'm not good enough a writer to be published, that I'll never finish anything worth reading, that I have no clue what I'm doing and I shouldn't even bother, that I should just stick to school because I can actually do that.

Funny how we always want to blame time for the things we don't get done, isn't it? Yes, I'm short on time, incredibly short on time, but if I had the confidence in myself and my work, I'd do a better job of prioritizing and making room for my characters and their stories, for improving my craft. But even admitting that, I don't know where to go from here. I can't write when I feel like every word is crap and that it's always going to be crap. I can't edit when it feels pointless. So I don't. Because I don't even feel like I have betas any more or crit partners, and that's my own fault, too.

*sigh* Balls, this life stuff is hard.
Posted by Amanda J.
Labels: , , 21 thoughtful musings
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