Monday, December 12, 2011

It's Not You. It's Me

I don't know why, but lately I feel as if I can't speak freely any more. Not here. Not on my Facebook. Twitter seems safe for the time being. But any time I try to say how I feel I swear it's like I have to edit and censor everything I say because people just keep picking fights and making a huge deal out of things all over the internet. I'm afraid I'm going to say something and become the center of some controversy. So I try to limit what I talk about, only now it's like I have nothing to say at all because I'll piss someone off or offend someone, and I'm tired of worrying about what everyone thinks and feels.

I started this blog for me to have an outlet and talk freely about books and writing and now I feel as if I'm constantly walking on egg shells. I hate it. I don't even read many blogs any more because I feel obligated to comment but then can't think of anything to say or think my opinion doesn't matter or am afraid I'll upset someone. It's ridiculous.

Last week I said I was going to try to do Marvelous Middle Grade Mondays. This week I'm just going to try to get one review up. I have a couple of eARCs I'm going to review, but other than that, I think I'm going to step away from the blogosphere.

Graduate school starts in January. I'm going to be taking classes, working in the writing lab, working in the library, and teaching a Foundational Composition course while trying to maintain some form of a writing life, a social life, and being an active member of my fraternity (Sigma Alpha Iota). I am going to be busy. Originally I had planned on maintaining the blog and continuing posting reviews, but now I don't even want to.

You guys have been awesome and supportive and I thank you all for that. Maybe some time away will help and I'll be able to come back and read all of your blogs and laugh and cry with you again. But right now I need some time to myself. I need to feel like I can be who I am and say what I want without fear of being chased down by a mob with torches and pitchforks.

I'll post a couple of reviews and I may even drop in with some updates so you guys know I'm still alive, but as of now my posts will more than likely be sporadic and few and far between. I wish you all the best and hope to see you on the other side. <3

5 comments:

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

I sympathize, girlie. Sometimes I feel the same way about this huge-but-so-small online world.

Take a break if you need to. Do what's best for you. Big hugs to you and don't be a stranger.

xo

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Sorry you're being harassed! Take a break and come back refreshed. And I doubt you could leave an insulting comment on my blog.

Alexandra Shostak said...

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I have to qualify so many of my statements.

Have a relaxing holiday before January and school! :)

KristinKaye said...

I read! I'm commenting! Sometimes I consider linking my blog to facebook, but then I remember all the stuff I say on my blog (even though I rarely update) and I think again....Just remember you always have a place to spill your thoughts even if it can't be in public writing.

Jaimie said...

I've found you can say negative things as long as (1) you back them up logically and clearheadedly and (2) you admit the possibility you could be wrong, if not in the post itself then when you are challenged. I've found the mobs only chase the asses and the crazies.

Hell, even that thing a while back where someone said a short story couldn't be in an anthology because it had a gay romance? A lot of people were defending her. That was the scariest mess I saw, an incident where ignorance and probably religious beliefs means someone is hateful. No. I stood up for her. Shaking in my boots, but still.

And then right around that time I quit my writing group because they seemed to keep jumping on these mob bandwagons. I couldn't take it either. Why does everyone have to be like everyone else?

Totally understand where you're coming from. I think you're great and I'll catch ya on the flipside.

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